


Candy is Not Dandy

by abigail89



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Medical Procedures, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 13:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigail89/pseuds/abigail89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"></span><a href="http://centerspire.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://centerspire.livejournal.com/"><b>centerspire</b></a> who requested “Kirk, McCoy (and maybe Christine), Christmas Candy!”</p>
<p>Originally published December 2009</p>
    </blockquote>





	Candy is Not Dandy

**Author's Note:**

> For [](http://centerspire.livejournal.com/profile)[**centerspire**](http://centerspire.livejournal.com/) who requested “Kirk, McCoy (and maybe Christine), Christmas Candy!”
> 
> Originally published December 2009

_Gurgle!_

Uhura lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Captain,” she says in her most bossy voice, “go eat lunch.”

“Eh, it's after 1400. I'll just wait until dinner.” Jim rubs his stomach. He's beginning to regret skipping lunch after having to cut breakfast short to deal with a small kerfuffle in one of the geology labs. Two competing teams were arguing over computer sim time, and Jim, having given Spock permission to work in engineering, found himself in the role of mediator.

_Glug-gurgle!_

Sulu's shoulders shake with repressed laughter and Chekov nearly chokes on a giggle he tries unsuccessfully to mask it as a cough. Uhura and Sulu have to leave their posts to pat the poor kid on the back.

She turns and glares at him. “Would you just go already?”

Jim waves a hand in surrender. “Fine. I'll go. Mr. Sulu, you have the bridge,” he calls out.

“Aye, sir, and bon appetit.” Sulu bursts into a laugh as soon as the turbolift doors slide shut.

“I get no goddamn respect,” Jim mumbles.

*~*

The thing is when Jim Kirk gets really really hungry, he also gets cranky. And when he gets cranky, he finds the crankiest person he knows, who happens to be his best friend. Boyfriend. Something like that. Because Leonard McCoy's crankiness makes Jim Kirk's crankiness look like a heap of puppies and kittens gamboling together on a warm summer's day.

He enters the medicalbay, but doesn't see Bones, or any of his staff, in residence. _That's odd._ He looks in the lab, but Bones isn't there either. He opens the door to the CMO's office. “Bones, are you--”

But no Bones.

Miffed that he can't locate his boyfriend for support or a mid-afternoon snack run, he crosses his arms over his roiling belly and heaves a sigh.

That's when he notices the bright ribbon on the desk, surrounding some see-through wrapping film. Jim picks it up and examines it closely. “Oooh, nice,” Jim exclaims.

He hesitates for a moment, feeling a pang of guilt for opening a gift meant for Bones. But then he shrugs, figuring he'll make it up to him somehow, and carefully unties the ribbon.

Cookies. And small brown candies. Bright red cherry-looking things. Brown squares with powered sugar on them. He inhales. “Mmm...”

_Gurgle!_

“This is an emergency,” he says. He lifts a cookie and brings it to his mouth, and--

“Captain!”

Jim starts and drops the cookie on the desk. “What!”

Christine Chapel glares at him from the doorway. “Those are not yours,” she says in a deadly calm voice.

Jim smirks and then wipes his hands nervously on his pants. “Well, no, but I'm--”

“Then walk away, sir.”

Jim gives her his best please-love-me-I'm-so-pathetic look. “But I'm so hungry,” he whines. He hates himself for an instant but thinks there's nothing for it now. “And this stuff smells so good. And besides, Bones will share it with me eventually. I'm just getting a little bit of a head start on it.” Even he rolls his eyes at the logic involved in such a statement.

“Captain, so help me--”

“So what kind of cookie is this?” he asks, hoping to deflect some of Chapel's annoyance. “It smells really good.”

“It's caramel chip and pecan, Dr. McCoy's favorite.”

Jim is stung. Bones has a favorite cookie? Why didn't he know that? “Really? He's never told me that!” Jim covers up the slight hurt by holding up a light brown bar. “And this?”

“It's root beer toffee, also a favorite.” She moves to cover the plate up, but Jim stops her.

“I didn't know root beer toffee even _existed_.” Jim is again a tad upset he didn't know this about Bones. He didn't think Bones even liked this sort of stuff. He rarely eats cookies or candy or anything with sugar in it. Bones is a fruit kind of guy.

Jim takes the plate and looks at it again. He's feeling the first flush of jealousy creeping up his spine. He tries to shake it off, but finds he doesn't really want to.

“So, is this a favorite, too?” He holds up a sugared square. “And how is it you know that Bones eats all this stuff, when I know he _doesn't_?” He shoves the whole thing into his mouth.

Despite the death glare Chapel is giving him, he moans. “God, this is really good, Chapel,” he says, his mouth still full. “Did you make all these goodies?”

She finally takes the plate away from him, spilling several cookies onto the desk. “You're an ass, Jim Kirk! These are not for you, dammit.”

Jim grabs up one of the cookies and takes a bite. “Really? Well, you are relieved of duty, Nurse Chapel.”

“What?”

“And for insubordination--”

“ _Insubordination?_ ”

“For speaking in an unprofessional manner to a superior officer--”

“Jim Kirk, I swear by all things holy, I am going to--”

“What the _hell_ is going on?”

McCoy appears at the doorway, his face thunderous. “Jim? Christine? What's going on?”

Chapel tries to explain, while Jim is shouting. Then all of a sudden, Jim stops. “Bones?” he says.

Bones looks at Jim briefly as he tries to calm his head nurse down, then gives a double-take. “Jim, y'all right?”

“Bones.” Jim's eyes are wide. “I don't feel right.”

“Jim?”

He gasps, then clutches at his throat. “Bones?” he rasps.

And then he drops to the floor.

“JIM!”

*~*

He runs a shaky hand over his face and groans. “Shit, I feel like hell,” Jim mumbles.

“Christ on a fucking cracker, Jim,” McCoy says from above his head.

Jim opens one eye to see his doctor watching the readings from the bio-bed panel. “What happened?”

“You being an ass is what happened,” McCoy grumbles.

Jim swallows and finds he has no spit, only a yucky, gummy feeling in his mouth. “Water?”

Chapel is at his right, holding a straw. “Drink slowly, Captain,” she says gently.

_Oh, fuck_ , he thinks, as he sips. “Nurse Chapel, I am so sorry.”

She pats him on the arm, but doesn't smile at him. His heart plummets. He was a jerk to one of his crew members, one of Bones's best medical personnel. “What happened?”

“Well, the piece of candy that Christine so thoughtfully and nicely made for me and all of the medical staff for Christmas and that you so rudely shoved down you goozle, was made from Denubian dates. And you are allergic to just about everything in that particular species. Combine that with your sensitivity to pecans that were in the cookies, your throat shut down and you went into anaphylactic shock,” McCoy explains calmly. “Things are looking okay now.”

“How long was I out?”

“It's been a good forty-five minutes.”

“Shit. The bridge--”

“Has been informed. Spock is on duty.” McCoy squeezes his shoulder. “You are staying here for a while longer, then I am taking you back to our quarters where you _will_ eat a proper meal and you _will_ rest.”

Jim sighs, and rubs his temple. “God, I was really stupid.”

“Yes, you were. Jesus, Jim,” McCoy says, exasperated, leaning over him, “how many times do I have to tell you you have to be careful about what you put in your mouth?" He stands, shaking his head. "Oh, and you're gonna have cramps later on because the cookies have gluten in them--”

Jim groans. “Fuck, man! I hate my body!” He pounds the bed in frustration. “That was the best cookie I've ever eaten.”

McCoy bends down to whisper in his ear, “Well, I happen to love your body, so please take care of it.” He kisses Jim's earlobe. “And before you leave today, you _will_ apologize to Christine for being a dickwad to her. She didn't deserve being yelled at.”

Jim sighs. “I know. I was a total jerk to her.”

“Dickwad.”

“Yeah, that too.”

*~*

A day later, Jim enters their quarters after a long shift. He's tired, but feeling so much better. The galley crew, alerted to Jim's recent medical crisis, brought to him on the bridge at regular intervals several small, nutrition-rich meals, and stood over him while he ate. He dared not glare at any of them for their attention, or else Uhura would tell McCoy who would then rip him a new one.

He notices that on the table sits a gaily wrapped plate. He takes the small note card on it and reads: “For Jim: My brother was gluten-sensitive too. These are some of his favorite cookies. Christine Chapel”

For a moment, Jim feels his heart expand by a hundred percent as he smiles. His crew is the most awesome in the fleet. And really, Christine is the best of the best. He takes a bite and closes his eyes. The texture is still that flat, crumbly type that all gluten-free baked stuff has, but the rich buttery flavor makes sweetness explode on his tongue. He sighs, satisfied.

McCoy enters, carrying a small box. “There you are. Here. A crew member, umm...Andrews, from Stellar Cartography, has similar food allergies so he made you some candies that he eats.” He kisses Jim as he puts the box on the table. “You got people's attention with your latest foray into medical emergency.”

Jim shakes his head. “There's no privacy for the captain, is there?”

“Nope. Not when he's the biggest ass on the ship.”

“I completely deserve that. Did Christine like my peace offering?”

“To take her dinner when we get some place where there's a decent restaurant?”

“And don't forget the basket of Denubian dates. The galley crew told me she loves them.”

“Yes, that and the dark chocolate helped.”

Bones enfolds Jim in his arms, and buries his nose in Jim's neck, kissing and licking the soft skin there. “Don't do that to me again. Stick to your diet, Jim, so I can love you forever.”

Jim kisses him slowly, running his hands down to the swell of McCoy's ass. “With you, I know exactly what I'm putting in my mouth,” he says with a wicked gleam in his eye. “How about I put something very familiar, very attached to you in it now?”

Bones cannot think of a thing wrong with that.

*~*  



End file.
